Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Sir Lizalot: An Epic

I have a story to tell, about brave Sir Lizalot. He started out normal, as any lizard does, and he lived in an ancient barn with an ancient truck, a truck that happened to be the same one my dad learned to drive in as a kid. Now, this brave little lizard wasn't so brave at all, in face, the whole name of Sir Lizalot was just a figment of his imagination, but he didn't have any friends so there was no one to tell him that it wasn't his real name. In fact, no one told him that lizards don't have names. Poor Sir Lizalot was eating a grapefruit one day out of a tree next to the barn, and suddenly this child picked him up by the tail, so he tried to drop his tail but it didn't work, and he ended up just breaking it so that it just hung over the side and didn't move anymore. The child had chubby, sweaty, smelly fingers and he wouldn't let Sir Lizalot go. So Sir Lizalot gathered the power he had, and while squirming, a giant coconut fell out of the tree, the grapefruit tree I might add, and hit the boy on the head. As Sir Lizalot was falling to the ground, he was snatched up by a passing penguin who then flew up to the highest tree, demanding that the lizard teach him to swim. Upon hearing the request, the flock of flying fish that happened to be in the tree picked the penguin up and flew him to the nearest bathtub, leaving Sir Lizalot up in the giant tree. But the tree wasn't really a tree at all, as it turns out, it was a witch who had been disguising herself since the Salem days, and it just so happens that the only way to end the disguise was to have a penguin touch the tree, for she really loved cold weather and wanted the ice age to be there by th time she woke up. So, she woke up, picked up the lizard that was hanging on for dearmlife off the side of her arm, and she blamed him for delaying the ice age and put a curse on him, one that would make him more and more tired until he fell asleep. She set him down and Sir Lizalot ran for his life, back to the barn, and as he was running across (or rather, staggering across because he was becoming extremely sleepy) he dropped down on the middle of that giant old hood of the truck and fell asleep (in a position where he looks almost like he is dancing).

Years later there was this very cool person visiting in the area. This very cool person we shall call 'Z'. So, Z was walking in the woods and found this really cool swirled up, leafy twig on the ground and picked it up. They then passed by the barn and decided to explore it because Z's father was there to look at the truck that he learned to drive in when he was a kid. So, Z stumbled across this lizard skeleton on the hood of the truck, and like any other sane person, deiced to name it and keep it in a jar. The broken tail broke off, and also, for fun and decoration, Z threw the swirly, leafy twig into the jar with Sir Lizalot. A week later it is sitting on Z's desk, and in the middle of the night/morning (around 3:00am) while painting, Z happens to look over at the desk where Sir Lizalot and his tail reside, and he is dancing a Latin dance.

You see, what happened was that the swirly, leafy twig was a twig from a resurrection fern, and the witches spell of sleeping was only to last until Sir Lizalot was in a jar with a dead twig of resurrection fern, and this is the true story of Sir Lizalot.

I look over, and he is still dancing. Is it possible for a skull to wink?

Haha

I am tired.

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