It's true, I am so easily guilted I probably make people sick. If I do something to hurt, or if I think I may have hurt someone even if they don't show and signs of it, I feel extremely bad. If I am late, especially if I am late in seeing someone I really wanted to see...I feel so terribly bad.
On the bright side, feeling guilty isn't so bad, I think, I am often told by people I know that I am the nicest and sweetest person they know, they must not know me all the way, and friends of my parents always thought my brother and I were the greatest kids, but my brother doesn't have this guilt complex that I do.
So, I shall start right now by apologizing, a lot, to anyone I have ever hurt or inconvenienced, and even though no one I know reads this blog and no one I know would know it was mine, I am going to do it anyways. So, here it goes---
---I am so sorry, from the bottom of my heart I am apologizing to you because I did something and I feel very badly about it. It may have been that I said something offensive and didn't notice until later, or I was insensitive, or maybe I didn't hold the door open for you and you ran into it. Maybe I forgot something important or didn't do my part of the project, maybe I took something that wasn't mine, maybe I said I would do something or be somewhere and I didn't do it or I wasn't there. From the bottom of my toes I also apologize because my heart is rather small in comparison to the rest of my body, so maybe I shall also apologize form the bottom of a lake, or the bottom of a trench, or from the core of the earth because that's as deep as I could possibly be to apologize from. Knowing that I am feeling this bad is punishment enough to know that I hurt you, please accept my deepest from-the-core-of-the-earth apology because really, I don't hate anyone and I love you. Forgive me?
And the reason I am writing this is because someone I was supposed to see today went looking for me when I said I would be somewhere, and unfortunately I got caught up with something, and though I left at the earliest opportunity I could, the person left because they didn't have much time to begin with and I will not see them today because of my lateness.
So yes, it's a normal day with some stress because I still haven't finished studying for the final that I have in 51 minutes (and counting)
Dashed hopes a the worst kind of hopes.
There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox
FROM THE CORE OF THE EARTH
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